


Capsize

by Lemonydrabs



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers - Freeform, Gen, Marvel Universe, Mentions of Death, Mild Language, Not so happy ending, Other, Pre-Civil War (Marvel), Reader-Insert, but thats up for interpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7472169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonydrabs/pseuds/Lemonydrabs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has finally been able to start to piece his memories together in peace.  But one thing he can't get out of his mind is you? What became of you after he disappeared?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(this fic was inspired by the song Capsize by frenship)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Capsize

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first /reader, and hopefully it's not dreadfully horrible. Please feel free to comment your thoughts.  
> Many thanks to absolutegodofhyperactivity for editing this! Alright enough of me babbling, hope you enjoy!

 

    If there was one thing Bucky could never let go of, it was his fleeting memory of you. Fragments of a person he once knew, once loved. He never figured out what had become of you after the war. Pieces of broken promises, the words he whispered to you but in the end could not follow through with. If there was a thing Bucky Barnes regretted, was never taking the time to truly appreciate what the two of you had.

    Steve of course could recall moments here and there. But he was hesitant and unwilling to share them with Bucky. From what he remembered, the day Bucky “died”, you changed. He tried his best to keep tabs on you, but he was also swamped with duties.

    “I just can't get them out of my mind Steve” Bucky said.

    “Listen Buck, it's best if you just left in the past where it belongs.”

    “Fuck, Steve, they were important to me and I just need to know. I thought you would understand."

   Cap sighed, shifting his position in the chair. Of course he understood, the only difference between his love from the war and Bucky's was that Peggy was still alive **.** _Peggy…_ He thought to himself. Steve pulled a pen from his pocket, jotting down an address.

    “Here,” He mumbled. “Just, call me if you need anything”

    Bucky looked down at the crumpled piece of paper. _Smithsonian Museum_.

    “Thanks pal”

 

It was around 10:30 when Bucky arrived. He was unsure about whether he wanted to know the truth. Some part of him hoped that maybe you were still alive—not everyone could be a super soldier though. It had been years, and the fact that he was standing in front of a museum further proved his point: That you were long gone…

Mustering up the courage, he strolled in. Bucky had been here before, it was how he discovered who he was. He couldn't recall if there was anything about you here, but then again he was barely stitching the long forgotten memories together. Bucky walked further, his jaw tightening. He didn't know where he was headed, but his gut told him it was the right direction.

He stopped, looking up, and there you were in all your glory. Standing, looking down upon him.

_“You have such soft hair Buck” you said, running your fingers through Bucky's hair._

_“How do you think I impress all the girls, doll?” He chuckled._

_You let out a condescending scoff, “Oh, sure.”_

_“Ouch, that hurt.” He chuckled_

_“Well, I mean, you are charming...” Bucky looked at you, smiling. “But stubborn as hell, I don't understand how people put up with you.”_

_“Well, you should know”_

_“I still say sorcery was involved, makes me more tolerant of your snarky ass”_

_“Oh, but you still love me hun”_

_“Don't be so sure of yourself” you replied slyly._

_“Really now” he said, shifting to face you. His hand wrapping around your waist, pulling you into him as he kissed you tenderly._

 

    Bucky looked down at his hands, trying to remember how it felt to hold you. To touch you.

 

    “After the death of James Buchanan Barnes, (y/n) joined S.H.I.E.L.D in honor of his memory. Working their way to a high ranking position; they took part primarily in front line missions. ”

 

      _“I swear Bucky, if you pull a stupid stunt again I will end you,” You said sternly._

_“Just shut up, will ya? I'm trying to do something nice for once. I actually put some thought into this, doll.”_

_“You? Putting thought into something? I am absolutely shocked!”_

_“Yeah, yeah, let's not let your sarcastic ass ruin the moment”_

_Of course you were pissed, Bucky was joining the army. He was set to leave not long from now. Just thinking about it made you queasy, war was no small feat._

_“It's the war, isn't it.”_

_“I could give less the two shits about the war Buck, it's about you joining the fight” You muttered, “I..I couldn't handle losing you Bucky”_

_“You won't, doll. I swear,” He responded confidently._

_“You… You don't know that…” You said, barely a whisper “You don’t know that, James! I don’t want to lose you! It… it would tear me apart.”_

_Bucky pulled you into him, his breath bringing you some sense of structure. As you pressed your head into his chest you listened intently to the beat of his heart. Tears began to roll down your face, and Bucky only tightened his grip around you. “I promise, doll, I will come back. There’s no way in hell I would die when I know you’re waiting patiently back here for me.”_

 

Bucky walked further down the hall, the first section was about your upbringings. As pictures of you flashed before him, stored away feelings began to emerge. When he saw you smile, what was it exactly he had felt? When you kissed him? He felt his chest flutter a bit at the thought.

“(y/n) began their training with the young group of new recruits. It was there that fellow S.H.I.E.L.D agents gauged just how valuable of an asset (y/n) was. They were top of their group, surpassing the skills of more intermediate recruits.”

A picture of you in armor flashed on the screen. Your eyes, void of emotion. As if your body was present, but your mind was not.

_“Listen up, while on a mission, your mission is your life. You will breathe your mission, you will die for your mission. We don’t want the latter, so if you want to survive make sure you act like you have a shred of sense.”_

_Everyone else was distracted, and all you wanted to focus on was target practice. You had be the best, you had to make your life have meaning. If not for yourself than for him. Turning off the safety, you brought the scope of the gun towards you. Looking through and spotting all your targets, you took a deep breath and shot, disregarding the instructor or the people who surrounded you._

_Each time you squeezed the trigger, your only thought was ‘You lied to me Bucky, you lied’. Tears flowed down your face, you had to let it go, emotions would make you seem weak in front of your comrades. At least that’s what you told yourself._

 

The museum was rather empty today, it seemed like only Bucky was making his way through your exhibit. That was until he bumped into someone.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s alright,” the stranger responded. “Hey, I haven’t seen you here before. What brings you to (y/n)’s exhibit? Not many people stop by here, and when they do, they don’t take the time to read the information clearly”

“Call me curious,” Buck said. “I just wanted to know a little bit more about (y/n)”

The stranger sighed, “I think this is one of the more interesting stories. A story about love and loss. (y/n) was James Barnes’s partner, obviously when he died they were devastated. Lost. But they took that grief and turned it into their strength. After all, they were one of S.H.I.E.L.D’s best.”

_“Push through dammit, don’t you die on me!” you yelled while applying pressure to your teammate’s wound._

_“Go. Finish what we came here to do.” he said_

_“No! You are my team ma--”_

_“Fucking go! I’ll only hold you back!”_

_Releasing him, you stood up and retrieved your weapon. Looking down upon him one last time, “Fuck!” you yelled, pain coating your tone. And as he told you, you left._

“Sadly at the age of thirty, they were forced to retire after being injured in battle.”

Bucky grimaced at the thought of you being injured. Alone, without support. Scared, afraid, did they cry out his name for help? He was angered at the fact that he was not there to protect you.

_“I’ve been shot” you yelled into your earpiece._

_You felt no pain, and you thanked shock for that. You had been shot. It was an open field, you were too exposed. Standing up was not an option, so you flipped over to your stomach and began to crawl._

_“Son of a bitch!” You yelled, as your initial shock factor subsided and the pain began to arise. Each movement was like a stab to your chest, But you had to get to safety._

_“Fuck, this hurts!”_

_Suddenly your movements dulled down and the world began to seem faint. Someone was talking to you through your earpiece, but you could not concentrate on what they were saying. You grasped the wound, applying pressure, but that caused you to scream out in pain. There was a lot of blood, you thought this was the end. Yet again emotions succumbed you, “Bucky!” you yelled out, “Bucky!”. Tears started and didn’t seem to stop. Why were you calling out a dead man's name? Bucky wasn’t going to save you, he wouldn’t miraculously become undead. As you felt yourself drifting off, you felt a sense of relief. Death was not a foreign concept, it was all around you. And god had you been dead for a long time, it was about time. You fell unconscious, only to wake up in the infirmary later._

Looking down, Bucky pushed back his feelings of guilt. It was his fault, he thought, he was solely to blame.

“They could never bring themselves to muster an ounce of hatred towards James. In the end, they never settled down. Only James held (y/n)’s affection.”

“They have all the reason to be mad I-- James failed them.”

“That’s not the case” The stranger replied, pointing to the far end of the exhibit.

Bucky walked to the end, in the case were letters. Pages that you had written for him.

 

“ _I could never hate James Buchanan Barnes, he was spectacular. Of course he was an ass at times, but there truly was no one else like him. There is only one Bucky, and I will always love him”_

“You were always on their mind, Buck,” a familiar voice interrupted.

Bucky looked back, only to see Steve behind him.

“(y/n) loved you till the end,” he said, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder. “Come on, let’s head back.”

~.~

 


End file.
